Honestly, I'm getting nervous. Before I was nervous because of the work that comes after the surgery. Now I'm getting scared of the actual surgery. I always come off as tough and brush everything off. But I'm not always tough, no one is. I tend to have panic attacks, that's something that goes hand in hand with OCD, at least I think it is.. I panic attacked before I got on a plane, while getting our luggage weighed, which lasted probably a good 20 minutes and then again when we boarded the plane. When we switched planes and boarded the next plane, oh yeah, panic attack, not as bad but still.
I'm scared I'm going to panic attack and then not be able to calm down for surgery. I'm scared they're gonna screw up my IV and not put brain monitoring devices and it's gonna be like that movie Awake.. Really, I'm just scared. I shouldn't be because I've been through other surgeries and have been fine, but I don't think I quite grasped the consequences of surgery. Also they put the 'Risks' paper in with some other paperwork I had to read and accidentally started reading it.. Jerks.
Other than that I'm still chugging away, made a delicious low carb low calorie tortilla pizza last night and tonight had marinated and baked chicken and green beans. I'm pretty sure I didn't come even close to using all my calories because I'm freaking starving right now lol
When I have the surgery I'll stay the night that day, thursday, and then I'll be lucid for sure and awake friday, the doctor said that there's a chance I could go home that day, PRAY that I can!, otherwise I'll go home saturday morning. Friday night is my brothers football game and it's parents night so that means that everyone will be gone to that and I'll either be left in the hospital or at home alone. I hope Marissa can get that day off so I'm not alone wherever I am.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Leave a Frenzied Comment